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Cop Cow
Season 2, Episode 49b
Back at the Barnyard Cop Cow
Written by LegoKyle14 and Magmon47
Directed by LegoKyle14
Episode guide
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Here's 44th episode for season 2 from Winnie the Pooh goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the Transcript.

The Beginning

(The scene opens up with Otis bringing in a rusty garbage can)

  • Otis: Guys, I found out what's been stinking up the barn for the last 3 weeks.
  • Sunset Shimmer: What is it?
  • Pip: Is it toxic sludge?
  • Peck: Is it Expired fish paste?
  • Luan: Lily's smelly diapers?
  • Lily: (raspberry)
  • Freddy: Pig's old gym clothes?
  • Otis: Yes. Now, to dispose of this junk in a safe and non-hazardous manner.
  • Abby: I'll get the giant cannon.
  • (They load the cannon with the garbage)
  • Peck: Lock and loaded.
  • Otis: Excellent. (to Freddy) Now, make sure you aim in a precise scientific manner.
  • Freddy: Right. (Closes his eyes)

(They played a cannon version of Spin the Bottle)

  • Otis: (shoots the cannon) Nice work, everyone. That mess won't be troubling us anymore.

(But the mess landed in the middle of the road and made Officer Fred drive into a tree)

  • Otis: Oh, that's not good.
  • Eeyore: To make the story short, uh oh.
  • Officer Fred: (comes out dizzy) Wow, that was a close one. It's all right, mustache. You're safe now. Oh, you're so brave and bushy.
  • Spike the dog: He's alright.
  • Everyone: (reveled)
  • Freddy: Now let's get rid of this anvil.
  • Cosmo: FIRE!!!

(The anvil lands on Officer Fred's foot and he screamed in pain)

  • Human Rainbow Dash: Who shot that anvil?!
  • Freddy: Peck did it.
  • Rabbit: (moans)

(An ambulance takes Officer Fred away)

  • Abby: Poor Officer Fred.
  • Pip: Now who's gonna give out parking tickets?
  • Peck: And get cat out of trees?
  • Mickey: Stop criminals from bank robberies?
  • Pig: And keep us safe from swamp goblins?
  • Otis: Worry not. I have a barely formulated plan that has a slim chance of not failing.

(Later, at Mayor office, the Mayor is playing a video game)

  • Otis: (disguised) I am a human man who would like to apply for the police human position.
  • Mayor: You got the job.
  • Otis: Really? Isn't there some kind of cop test you want me to take?
  • Mayor: Good idea. What's a red light mean?
  • Otis: Oh, red light. (thinking) Oh wait. Oh, I know this one. Oh, um... fruit merchants crossing.
  • Mayor: You got the job.
  • Otis: Really? I not even sure that that was--
  • Mayor: Too late. You got the job. Get out.
  • Otis: Are you positive? 'Cause I--
  • Mayor: You got the job
  • Otis: I'm actually--
  • Mayor: Job.
  • Otis: Okay.
  • Mayor: Got. Out. Get.
  • Otis: I'm actually...
  • Mayor: Now.
  • Otis: Just a cow. I'm not even a person--
  • Mayor: Job, gotten.
  • Otis: Your not listening to anything I'm saying, are you?
  • Mayor: Out. Get.

(Everyone was playing card until they heard a siren)

  • Piglet: What was that?
  • Otis: Attention, Barn animals, kids, and fairies! This is the fun police. Come out with your party on.

(Everyone came out surprised and amazed when they saw Otis in police uniform)

  • Timmy: Dude, you look awesome.
  • Otis: Yep, I got a badge and pants and everything.

(Everyone wanted to head to the car)

  • Otis: Guys, Guys, I can't allow non-commissioned civilians to use official city equipment.
  • All: (Groans)
  • Otis: Which is why I'm going deputized you!. Badges for everyone.
  • Everyone: (excited)
  • Lola: This is perfect practice for hall montering at school. We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes."
  • Luan: Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months! Get it?
  • Lola: That's five more minutes, dirt bag!
  • Otis: Here you go Pig.
  • Pig: (denies the badge) No thanks, Otis. Let's just say I'm not cut out for law enforcement.

(Flashback to when Pig was a speed ticketer)

  • Pig: What makes you think you can go 180?
  • Man: Uh.. I'm having a baby?
  • Pig: A baby? Well why didn't you say so? Go, go!

(Driver takes off)

  • Otis: I see. Well, how about we make you official donut getter instead?
  • Pig: What does it pay?
  • Otis: Zero dollars.
  • Pig: Then I'm in.
  • Abby: Me and Sunset wanna be dispatchers.
  • Pip: I'll head off the cheese crime unit.
  • Peck: Dibs on Meter Maid.
  • Freddy: Dibs of Assistant Meter Maid.
  • Otis: Yes, weird, yes, and stop talking. Ok, let's do police things.

(Everyone drove in the police car)

The Middle

(The follow day, at downtown)

  • Otis: (looking at a man) Officer Pip, Lincoln, Pooh and Tigger, look at that suspicious character.
  • Lincoln: What's the problem? It's just a guy carrying his lunch.
  • Otis: Guy carrying his lunch or cyber terror mastermind taking to-secret defense plan to spy master's drop off point!
  • Pooh: When you put it that way--
  • Pip: Let's take him down.
  • Tigger: After that spy!
  • Otis: Hold right there.

(They tackle the man)

  • Man: Hey, that's my lunch.
  • Otis: Ha! A likely story. What's in the bag, Officer Pip?
  • Pip: Looks like peanut butter and jelly.
  • Lincoln: Uh oh.
  • Tigger: I think we're in big trouble.
  • Pooh: Oh bother.
  • Otis: Ah, Well, perhaps next time get a license before you put--RUN AWAY!

(Elsewhere, Cosmo and Freddy are ticketing a car)

  • Cosmo: This is breaking a lot laws.
  • Freddy: (writing tickets) Expired tags. Missing hove-cap. Assertive tire pressure. Stupid color.
  • Wanda: What are you two doing?
  • Cosmo: Writing tickets for this illegally parked car.
  • Peck: Uh, Cosmo? I think this is our car.
  • Freddy: Back talk eh? (Pulls up pepper spray)
  • Lana: Freddy, your holding it--
  • Freddy: (sprayed himself) AHHHH!!! Officer down! Officer down!

(Later in the park)

  • Otis: All right, buddy, stop right there.
  • Tigger: That's a statue.
  • Otis: Right, carry on citizen.

(They meet up with the others)

  • Freddy: Otis, we're bored.
  • Peck: Yeah, there's no crime in this town.
  • Timmy: This is even more boring than school or listening to my parents, or both.
  • Lincoln: Yeah, I've been listening to the scanner all day and the worst crime I've heard about is someone not picking up their dog poop.
  • Lana: Where? I'll pick it up!
  • Human Fluttershy: So, what should we do now?
  • Otis: Well we could go door to door informing citizen about county water regulations.
  • All: (Thinking)
  • Pip: Or we could go back to the station and a play Spin the Taser.
  • All: (agreeing)

(Back at the station, Everyone plays Spin the Taser and it lands on Freddy and Cosmo)

  • Freddy: Again? It's must our lucky day. (shocked)
  • Cosmo: (shocked) Mmmm. Burnt tongue flavor.

(Pig comes in with donuts)

  • Pig: Who wants donuts?

(Everyone comes in for donuts, when a call comes in)

  • Abby: Ooo, call.
  • Sunset Shimmer: Wonder what's going on?
  • Abby: Police Department. Dispatch Officer Abby and Sunset speaking. (person talking) What's that?
  • Sunset Shimmer: Hey guys, a masked bandit just stole all fresh donuts from the donut store!
  • Tigger: (mutters gibberish and gasps) WHAT!?!?
  • Piglet: WHAT!!?!?
  • Pooh: WHAT!?!?!
  • Rabbit: WHAT!?!?!?
  • Eeyore: HUH!?!??!
  • Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda: WHAT?!?!
  • Lincoln: WHAT?!?!
  • Girl Louds: WHAT!?!?!
  • Human Pinkie Pie: WHAT!!?!?
  • Mickey, Donald and Goofy: What?!?!
  • Pig: The donut store? I was just there, I could've been killed.
  • Otis: A real crime. This is what we been waiting for. Come on, deuties.

(Everyone went out to the donut store to check out the crime)

  • Otis: Freddy, Cosmo, anything on the store security camera?
  • Cosmo: Nothing.
  • Freddy: (strecthing the video) Yeah, just a bunch of brown tape.
  • Otis: You're an idiot. Pip, any clues?
  • Spike the dog: (sniffing) I found something.
  • Pip: We got a footprint.
  • Peck: And it looks like a size 8.
  • Freddy: So we're looking for someone with a foot.
  • Otis: Still an idiot. To the Foot Print Database!

(The computer started to scan the footprint)

  • Computer: Processing. 3 matches found.
  • Otis: And they said this was a waste of $48 million dollars.

(3 familiar pictures showed up)

  • Donald: Snotty Boy.
  • Human Rarity: Mrs. Beady.
  • All: The farmer?!?!
  • Otis: No way it's him! This has Snotty's stink all over it.
  • Freddy: Here, let me spray some air freshener. (pulls out can)
  • Sci-Twi: Wait, that's the---
  • Freddy: (sprays himself with pepper spray) I need backup.
  • Sci-Twi: Pepper spray.

(Few mintues later)

  • Otis: Okay, guys. Be on the lookout for a 4-foot, redheaded sack of hate.
  • Cosmo: Roger.
  • Otis: No, my name's Otis.
  • Freddy: He's know. We we're talking to Roger. Roger, could you file this report with the D.A. and tell we're still on for golf tomorrow?
  • Roger: 10-4.
  • Freddy: Actually, we need it done by 9:00. Now go!
  • Roger: (jumps out of the car) I love jumping out of cars.
  • Human Applejack: Guys, there's Snotty Boy.
  • Pip: And he's got a bag of donuts.
  • Otis: Stop in the name of the long udder of the law.

(Snotty skateboards away)

  • Lana: He's making a run for it!
  • Otis: (sees a boy on a bike) Police. I need to borrow your tricycle. (takes the bike) Let's ride. (takes off)
  • Freddy: (licks the boy's ice cream)
  • Human Pinkie Pie: Freddy?!!?

(They are catching up to Snotty)

  • Otis: Boys, take him down.

(They tackled Snotty Boy)

  • Snotty Boy: Stupid tricycle cops. You have nothing on me.
  • Otis: Aha! Donuts.

(A tag falls out)

  • Pip: And a receipt for their purchase.
  • Otis: What!?! Milk me.
  • Eeyore: To make the story short, uh oh.
  • Snotty Boy: You guys are the worst cops ever. You should be on that show, Real Stories of the Stupidest Cops in the World.
  • Narrator: Real Stories of the Stupidest Cops in the World.
  • Cop: You're going away for a long time, buddy. (locks the cell, on the other side while the criminal escapes) Ah, nuts.
  • Snotty Boy: Here, have a roundy, stupid cop. (throws donuts)
  • Otis: Thanks you for helping us with our training exercise.
  • Snotty Boy: Wait, this wasn't--
  • Otis: Carry on.

(Back at the police station)

  • Pig: Hey guys, got a new batch of donuts for the kitchen!
  • Lori: Thanks!
  • Pig: Boy those donut people are really nice. They keep--

(A phone goes off)

  • Abby: Hold on Pig. Police Department. Dispatch officer Abby and Sunset speaking. (listens) What!?!
  • Sunset Shimmer: Calling Otis! The masked bandit just robbed another batch of donuts.
  • Pig: Say what? I just left the place. Boy, my donut angel was really looking out for me. Thank you, Donut angel!
  • Angel: No problem, honey. (eats a donut)

(At Mrs. Beady's House)

  • Human Fluttershy: What are we doing here?
  • Otis: Sunset's call came in two minutes ago. I guessing the other size 8 is already eating the loot.
  • Peck: Police! Open up!
  • Mrs. Beady: Hello?
  • Otis: You're under arrest for grand theft donut.
  • Pip: You're going away for a long time.
  • Lana: Freddy, cuff her!
  • Mrs. Beady: But officers, I've been hear all morning.
  • Lola: Lana, is this maggot giving you lip?
  • Otis: Oh really? Then how you explain that plates of donuts on your table?
  • Mrs. Beady: I just made those with my own hands.
  • Otis: A likely story. (takes one)
  • Mrs.Beady: Oh careful. Those are--
  • Otis: (started to burn) AH, SWEET CUD, THAT HOT!!! MY FACE FLESH IS MELTING!!!! Well your story checks out. Come on, guys ,let's get out of here.
  • Mrs. Beady: Wait, where are you going? What about these handcuffs? Hello!?!?

The Ending

(At the Farmer's House)

  • Otis: Two suspects down. I hate to say it, guys. But it looks like the farmer is our donut bandit.
  • Everyone: (in despression)
  • Rabbit: Oh dear. Mercy me
  • Piglet: Oh dear. Mercy me too.
  • Otis: But at least now we can try out our new battering ram. (pulls up Roger)
  • Roger: Let's rock and roll.

(They rammed into the house)

  • Lucy: He's not here.
  • Otis: Okay, Farmer, come out with your--
  • (They heard a truck taking off)
  • Pip: He's getting away!
  • Peck: Probably to steal more donuts.
  • Otis: Not if we get there first.
  • Roger: That all you need?

(At the Donut shop)

  • Otis: Ok guys, this stakeout should nabbed us our perp. Ready Abby?
  • Abby: Ready.
  • Otis: Freddy, Peck?
  • Both: Ready.
  • Otis: Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Rabbit, Eeyore, Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Mickey, Donald Goofy, Applejack, Sci-Twi, Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Shimmer, Pinkie?
  • Pooh: We're ready, Otis.
  • Otis: What about the Louds?
  • Sisters: (yelling) WE ARE! (whispers) We are.
  • Otis: Okay guys. The Farmer should be here any minute.
  • Pip: (outside) Otis, Otis! There's a masked man heading into the store.

(The masked man comes in)

  • Abby: Hello ordinary costumer. Welcome to the Donut Store. How may I--TAKE HIM DOWN!!!!
  • Rabbit: Take no Prisoners!
  • Mickey: Let's Get him!
  • Otis: Police tackle!

(They all jump on the robber)

  • Peck: Freeze, dirtbag!
  • Freddy: (sprayed himself) AHH, MY EYES!!! (sprays Peck)
  • Luna: We got him!
  • Otis: (takes off the mask) Aha!
  • Tigger: (mutters gibberish and gasps) WHAT!?!?
  •  Piglet: WHAT!!?!?
  •  Pooh: WHAT!?!?!
  •  Rabbit: WHAT!?!?!?
  •  Eeyore: HUH!?!??!
  •  Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda: WHAT?!?!
  •  Lincoln: WHAT?!?!
  •  Girl Louds: WHAT!?!?!
  •  Human Pinkie Pie: WHAT!!?!?
  •  Mickey, Donald and Goofy: What?!?!
  •  Otis: Huh?
  •  All: Pig!?!?
  •  Otis: Pig, your ruining the whole stakeout!
  •  Goofy: I'm think Pig is the thief.
  •  Pig: I am not.
  •  Otis: Then how do you explain the ski mask and cat burglar outfit?
  •  Pig: Oh, I just put this on so no one I'm a pig, and for some reason I keep getting free donuts.

(Flashback)

  • Pig: Give me 3 vanillia sprinkles, a couple of old fashions and 46 jelly fills and make it snappy!
  • Worker: Don't hurt me!

(Flashback ends)

  • Otis: Gee Pig. Did you ever wonder why the donuts were free?
  • Pig: I did not.
  • Leni: I did not see that coming.
  • Cosmo: Yeah, or did we?
  • Wanda: Did we?
  • Cosmo: I don't know.

(Officer Fred comes in)

  • Officer Fred: Nice work, guys. I'll take it from here.
  • All: Officer Fred!?!?
  • Officer Fred: Fully recovered and back on duty. So where's the perp?
  • Otis: Right, the perp. Yes, well--Look over there! (Fred searches and Otis puts a mask on a plant) Now look over here!
  • Officer Fred: I got him! Police Tackle! (beats up plant) You're mine, buddy. Don't make this ugly. Hands where I can see them!
  • Otis: I think it's time to leave.
  • Pig: Oh, hold on. I still haven't put my order in.
  • All: Pig!
  • Otis: Come on.

(On Real Stories of the Stupidest Cops in the World)

  •  Officer Fred: You're going away for a long time, buddy. (locks the cell, on the other side while the plant escapes) Ah, nuts.

(The end)

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