|Season 1, Episode 24b|
|Written by||LegoKyle14 and Magmon47|
Adventures in Snotty Sitting/Transcript
Pooh's Adventures of Cowman: The Uddered Avenger
This is the 47th and final episode of the Season 1 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the Transcript.
(The scene begins with the gang sneaking through the trees and bushes)
- Otis: Status report, Agent Freddy.
- Freddy: (looks through binoculars) We're nine miles from our destination.
- Otis: What? Try turning the binoculars around.
- Freddy: Oh. hey, we're here!
- Otis: Okay, people. like we practiced. Serpentine.
(They used the serpentine formation to approach the gate)
- Otis: Now to use the secret signal to summon my contact inside the golf club.
- Pooh: What's the signal?
- Otis: Something very secretive. HEY CRAZY LOUIE!!!!
- Louie: Hey, guys. come on in. (opens the gate)
- Pig: Hey, Otis, aren't you worried about walking and talking in front of this guy?
- Otis: Don't worry. That's my buddy, Crazy Louie. He's uh...
I like eggs. I like eggs. I like eggs. I like eggs.
- Pig: Crazy?
- Lisa: Idiotic?
- Timmy: Insane?
- Otis: I was gonna say, stark-raving ganokers. Thanks for sneaking us in, Louie.
- Louie: Have a ding-dang doopity day! (At the 18th hole)
- Otis: Off the tree, careening off the approaching eagle, and into the hole.
- Sunset Shimmer: Will you quit showing off already?
- Otis: I'm not, Sunset Shimmer. (puts on blindfold) Now I'm showing off. (hits the ball and it ricochets off the tree, at the eagle, and into the hole)
(Everyone was amazed)
- Otis: Please, please. Hold your applause until after I've kicked your butts.
- Cosmo: Great news, guys.
- Lori: You're became smarter?
- Cosmo: I'm starting to believe you not know what great news means. I found a holiday ham. Now nothing can ruin this day. Except maybe a...gopher!
- Timmy: What's the big deal about a gopher?
- Cosmo: According to Fairy World prochecy, gophers are the sworn enimies of fairies.
- Lynn: So that where all the toilet paper went!
- Pig: Oooh. Me next. Me next. You promised you'd show me how to play.
- Otis: Okay, Pig. First, empty your mind.
- Pig: Done.
- Otis: That was easy. Now, become one with the ball. Feel the ball. be the ball. (Pig was opening his mouth) No, don't eat the ball.
- Pig: Sorry.
- Otis: Now breathe through your eyes. Clench your butt. Now listen for the voice within quietly telling you to...SWING!!!!!!
(Pig swung the club high in the air and hits Louie's slide making everyone shocked in horror)
- Otis: Louie, speak to me.
- Louie: My appendix. How will I process enzymes and convert them into simple sugars?
- Tigger: Hey wait a minute! How do you know it's your appendix?
- Louie: Well, if you'll look at this x-ray, you'll see that my appendix (pulled up an x-ray) that's this-- was on its last legs, so to speak. The doc said I'd be fine as long as no one hit it with a golf club. Aah! I've lived a rich and full life.
- Lisa: My best guess he only has til tomorrow afternoon to live
- Otis: Guys, we gotta get Crazy Louie a new appendix.
- Wanda: How do we do that?
- Abby: Otis, did you see that sign?
- Otis: What sign? what are you talking about?
(Abby began trying to move his head)
- Otis: Hey, look. The 25th annual appendix classic. First prize: one appendix. Weird, yet convenient. hang in there, louie. I'm gonna win that new appendix for you.
- Louie: (digging his grave) You're a good friend, Otis. But hurry. My endocrine system is breaking down on a cellular level.
(At the Golf tournament)
- Hilly Burphan: Hi, folks. Hilly Burford here at the Appendix Golf Classic with 25-time champ Judge Beauregard Beaumont XVII. What's your secret, Judge?
- Judge: Well, Hilly, I repress my emotions and play the game with humorless decorum.
- Hilly Burphan: Well, it must be workin'.You seem to have scared off all the competition.
(Otis comes in spraying Hilly and Judge with mud.)
- Otis: Okay, people, let's get this party started. Hey, oldie. have a pineapple slushy.
- Judge: Just who do you think you are?
- Lana: Uh, there not animals.
- Otis: That's enough talking with your mouth. No one likes a chatty caddy. Heifer Woods is the name; golf's my game. (did some tricks)
- Hilly Burphan: Hey, get a load of this fella(the ball got in his glasses)--ow. Well everyone, I got two words for ya, Game on!
(At the first hole, the heroes comes in reverse)
- Eeyore: Freddy, why do you keep driving in reverse?
- Freddy: Well, this cart's confusing. There's so many buttons.
- Lola: There's only 2 buttons.
- Otis: (calling Abby) Abby, how's our patient?
- Abby: Hurry, Otis. he's gettin' worse. I think he's delusional.
- Piglet: He thinks he mayor of a town of Butter.
- Louie: I am the mayor of Buttertown. All rise for the national anthem. Oh, Buttertown, thy creamy streets of gold
- Abby: [whispering] I don't think he is the mayor of Buttertown.
- Otis: Just keep him alive, Abby. Alive! (hangs up) Okay, more golf.
(Judge makes his first shot close to the hole)
- Hilly Burphan: And there's a beauty of a drive from judge beaumont.
- Judge: Top that, you buffoon.
- Otis: A delicious shot, your magistrate. Tastier then some kind of meat pie. Well, caddy, what do you think?
- Pig: (taste his finger) My finger tastes like pancakes.
- Otis: 7-Iron it is. 1,2,3 golf shot. (the ball hits off the tree, into a eagle and went instantly into the hole) In your face, Mr. Fancy Mcpoopsalot.
(The heroes laughed)
(Through the game, Otis has been making hole in ones making Judge angry)
- Hilly Burphan: Well, all right.Heifer woods moves into the lead. That's what I call golf.
- Judge: That classless upstart ruffian needs to be stopped. (his caddy hands hims a mini golf bomb) Look, a horde of angry pygmies.
- Otis: What? where? get 'em away from me. They're cow eaters-- not that I'm a cow, but if I were, they'd eat me.
- Judge: Oh, my bad. just a squirrel.
- Sunset Shimmer: Don't hit that ball. It's a bomb.
- Otis: Interesting. (kept missing on purpose) Oops, I missed. darn it, missed again... oops, I missed. Oh, boy, missed again. I am not good today. Wow, I can't seem to catch a break.
- Judge: Oh, for crying out loud. Like this. (hits it and explodes) I like pie.
(At the 9th hole)
- Hilly Burford: Hilly burford at the ninth hole, where crowd-pleasing newcomer heifer woods has taken a sizable lead.
(Otis swings his ball closes to the pond. But without no one noticing, Judge's Caddy knocks the ball in the water with his shoe fan.)
- Eeyore: It went into the pond.
- Judge: Tough break, heifer. I guess you lose a shot. (chuckles haughtily)
- Otis: Caddies?
- Lisa: I recommend the 5-iron.
- Pig: And a 1950s diving suit.
- Hilly Burford: Folks, this is astounding. Heifer Woods has decided to make his shot from the bottom of a pond.
(Otis makes it into the hole)
- Pooh: Nice shot Otis.
- Timmy: You're almost there to winning this.
- Judge: How could you allow this to happen?
- Judge's Caddy: At least nothing exploded this time. (exploded) I stand corrected.
- Pig: Wow, didn't see that coming.
- Otis: To the green!
- Judge: (covered in mud) I hate that guy.
- Narrator: Then at the 17th hole, this happened.
(Otis knocks ball close to hole then a phone call from Abby)
- Otis: Yello?
- Abby: Otis, hurry up and win that appendix. Crazy louie's fadin' fast.
- Rabbit: He's heading towards the light!
- Louie: I see a bright light. So warm and full of love. Nope, now it's gone. oh, it's back again. It's gone. back again.
- Otis: Tell Louie I'm 300 strokes up. His new appendix is in the bag.
- Leni: He's like totally gonna win this.
- Lori: Hey where's Cosmo?
- Piglet: There he is. on a tank?
- Timmy: WHAT?!?!
- (Cosmo comes in on a tank aiming at the gopher)
- Cosmo: Your mine gopher!
- Freddy: Hey, Peck. I finally figured out how to make the cart go forward.
- Peck: Really? that's great, fre--(Cosmo bumps in the cart) Hey, now!
(The cart accidentally runs over Otis)
(Everyone gasped in Horror)
- Freddy: Sorry, Otis.
- Luna: Guys, I think you broke Otis!
- Tigger: It was Cosmo's fault!
- Cosmo: What was my fault
- Wanda: Do yo know what you just done?
- Cosmo: I was fulfilling the prophecy.
- Lana: Well you're prophecy ran over Otis!
- Hilly Burdford: A shocking development. Heifer woods has been run over by his own golf cart. What's up with that?
- Pooh: Are you quit alright, Otis?
- Otis: Body smushed...pain large...can't play.
- Judge: Did you hear that? He forfeits. That means I win.
- Hilly Burdford: Now, hold on there, judge. (brings out a big book) Accoriding to the rules...(skims through the pages)
(The next day)
- Hilly Burdford: Here we go-- no, that's the wrong page. "In the event of a cart-related mishap, a player's caddy can finish the game for "
(Everybody looks at Pig)
- Pig: Me? no way. uh-uh.
- Otis: Pig, come on. you can do this. I'm up by 300 strokes. Just sink this putt, play the 18th hole, and we are done.
- Pig: I don't know.
- Timmy: Do it for Louie.
- Otis: for Louie!
- Louie: I'm fadin' fast. goodbye, world.
- Pig: Aah, what the heck. I'll give it a go.
- Otis: That's my pig. That's my pig.
(The next hole)
- Pig: (bunts it) Do over. Just warming up. One more. Oopsie. This is harder than it looks.
- Sunset Shimmer: This is going to take a while.
- Narrator: 295 putts later...
- Pig: Ooh, close one.
- Hilly Burdford: Come on. You're killing me here. just sink it already.
- Pig: (knocks the ball in) Yes! I'm the man.
- Otis: Pig, you just wiped out a 300-stroke lead.
- Lucy: You're down to one stroke.
- Pig: And that's...
- Otis: Bad.
- Pig: Bad, right.
(Judge makes a hole in one)
- Hilly Burdford: And with that spectacular shot on the 18th hole, it's a tie ball game.
- Pip: It's over.
- Timmy: He's a goner.
- Peck: Poor crazy Louie.
- Freddy: He was so young and full of simple sugars.
- Pig: Otis, let's just give up. I stink.
- Otis: Pig, a hole-in-one will win this for us.
- Pig: A hole-in-one? Are you crazy?
- Luan: Yeah, it totally impossible for him to bring home to bacon. (laughs) Get it?
- Otis: Listen to me. The zen of golf is alive deep inside you, yearning to burst free. Remember "Feel the Ball, Be the Ball"
- Pig: Otis, I can't.
- Otis: You have to!
- Pig: Okay, I'll try. (about to take the swing) Smack the ball, right? No. eat the ball. No, um, what was it again? Breathe through your butt?
- Timmy: Wait where's Cosmo?
- Cosmo: I'm still fulfilling the prophecy, Timmy!
- Timmy: The prophecy. that's it! Cosmo, wait! there's a third ply! And it says that you and the gopher were brought together to help Pig to get to his zone.
- Cosmo: That doesn't sound like the prophecy. But if it's written on toilet paper, it's gotta be true.
(Cosmo hit Pig with the tank) D'oh!
(In his Golf ball fantasy)
- Otis: Hey, baby, you got beaned on the noggin but good. Feel that ball. Be the ball, piggy. Be the ball, little piggy. Oh, I gots to go. There's a rainbow in my noggin.
- Pig: (wakes up) I am the ball. I am the ball.
- Otis: Oh, he's in the zone. Now steady, swiiiiing!
- Pig: Yaaaaahhh! (hits the ball of a tree, a trash can, Judge's Face, Hilly's glasses, skimmed throught the pond and on the edge of the hole.)
(Everyone was at the edge of their seats)
- Hilly Burdford: Oh, my. oh, my.
- Otis: Yes, yes, yes.
- Judge: No, no, no.
(The ball falls in)
- Hilly Burdford: Sweet crabapples, that ball is a hole-in-one.
(Pig threw his club in the air and it knocks out Judge)
(The Next day)
- Otis: Hey, Louie. We came by to see how you're doing.
- Pig: How's that new appendix working for you?
- Louie: Oh, hey, guys. Funny story about the appendix. Turns out it's a totally useless organ.
- Piglet: So what did you with the appendix.
- Louie: I sold it and used the money to buy extra thumbs.
(They screamed and were disgusted)
- Luan: I heard all hands, but this is ridiculous!
- Louie: Hey, look at me.I'm extra thumb man.Oh, Buttertown. We raise our thumbs on high. Who wants to wrestle?
(Everyone ran away)
- Louie: Hey, where you goin'? We ain't wrestled yet. don't be scared.