|Dead Cow Walking|
|Season 1, Episode 9b|
|Written by||LegoKyle14 & Magmon47|
The Big Barnyard Broadcast/Transcript
Cow's Night Out/Transcript
- Pip: And some say when the moon is full or really close to full you know, like those times when you go, "Hey, look, it's a full moon" and somebody else goes, "No, man, it's not totally full. See the edge" and you're like, "Whatever, dude, I can see the whole moon
- Otis: Pip, please.
- Pip: Oh, right. When the moon is pretty much full you can still hear the shrieks of her helpless victims.
(The animals gasp and shudder in fear)
- Pip: And that's why I hate veterinarians.
- Otis: Pip, would you stop scaring them? I mean, you've never even been to the veterinarian.
- Eeyore: And, Besides who keeps rats as a pet.
- Lana: I do.
- Pip: Hey, I've never been hit by a meteor, either, but I know it hurts.
- Pig: Well, uh, enjoy your check-ups, folks, I'll be in Guatemala.
- Duke: Right behind you.
- Freddy: This veterinarian madwoman will kill us all!
- Otis: Ok, rewind. Look, I've seen the vet, she seems very nice.
- Wanda: You guys are worse than Cosmo getting his gland all fixed.
- Cosmo: I am not. (turns into electrical items and shock Wanda)
- Otis: And we are having our check-ups today.
- Freddy: Wait, wait, wait, I'm not even a farm animal.
- Sunset Shimmer: (coming in) Guys, the vet's pulling around the corner.
(The doctor drives in)
- Doctor: Hey, farmer, how are you, good, good, sure. We're both good, the both of us, sure we are, yeah.
- The Farmer: Morning, doc, I'll go fetch Otis.
- Otis: Guess I'm first. Check it out, guys, won't even break a sweat.
- Pip: There goes one brave cow.
- Tigger: Good luck Otis.
- Doctor: Oh, aren't you a little sweetie? Ok, honey, I'm just gonna do a little looky-loo, yeah, that's all, mm-hmm. (puts on gloves)
- Otis: Moo?
(Otis moos in horror making everyone uncomfortable and A few minutes later)
- Otis: So c-c-cold. S-s-so c-c-c-cold.
- Bessie: Hey, Braveheart have some water. (splashed water on Otis to snap him out)
- Otis: What's everyone looking at?
- Luan: You after she gave you your "checkup"
- Cosmo: Face it Otis. You we're terrified.
- Otis: Oh, the vet thing? Oh, no, that was nothing. I tell you who you should be worried about...Pig. Oh the horrible that woman is putting him through. Poor little porkchop.
- Pig: Look, I got a lolly.
- Doctor: All finished farmer.
- Farmer: Ookie Dookie. How's the Big Steer doing?
- Pip: Hey, Otis, listen. They're talking about you.
- Doctor: (Voice-over) The Big Steer? Yeah, no, not so good. Perforated buff valve, yeah no. Probably won't last the week. (echoes) Won't last the week. Won't last the week.
(Everyone gasped in horror)
- Otis: I-I only got a week to live?
- Abby: Oh my goodness, Otis. I am so sorry.
- Otis: But...that's impossible. I feel fine. Although, you know I've been getting tired around bedtime lately and I, uh, seem to lose my appetite around heavy meals and dry grass has really lost it's flavor---OH MILK ME IT'S TRUE!!! I'M DYING!!! (sobs off)
- Pip: Wow, dying really seem to bum him out.
(Later that day, everyone tries to comfort Otis)
- Abby: Poor Otis. He's been in there for hours.
- Freddy: How will we survive without Otis?
- Duke: Don't worry, guys. When the sad day comes, I'll take over as leader.
- Lucy: Now we're really worried.
- Freddy: How will see survive without Otis!?! (sobs off)
- Otis: Guys, guys, guys, come on. It's ok. Listen, I've been thinking about it and I had a pretty great life awe in all.
- Duke: I'll say this. You the best leader any barnyard has ever had, mister.
- Timmy Turner: We had some pretty good times, O.
- Lisa: Yeah. Even though you tend go off the handle sometimes, you always make up for it in the end.
- Sunset Shimmer: Your dad would be proud of you.
- Otis: Thanks guys.
- Peck: Hey, but think about how your life would've been if you hadn't been saddled with us.
- Otis: Well, you know maybe, but that's really not the point. It's
- Pig: Hey, maybe you would've gotten to kiss that popstar Jessica Allspice like you always wanted
- Abby: Hey, you could've sung on the radio.
- Duke: The radio? He would've sung at Symphony Hall.
- Peck: Why there's no end what you could've accomplished.
- Otis: SWEET CUD, IT'S TRUE!!! My life is ending and I've never done anything!
- Lincoln: I know. You should do a bucket list.
- Lori: Yeah. Everyone usually creates a list before they die so they don't have any regrets later.
- Otis: You're right, guys. I have to do more stuff before I die. I gotta do it now. (runs out)
- Rabbit: We should probably help him accomplish those goals.
- Wanda: I think you're right.
- Pooh: Hey, Otis! Wait for us.
- Otis: Gotta do stuff! Gotta do stuff fast! Gotta find Jessica Allspice. There's no time. What's the next best thing?
- Cosmo: I guess the next best thing would be kissing Mrs. Beady. (laughs)
- -(uncomfortable) You're not serious are you?
(At Mrs. Beady's house)
- Mrs. Beady: And 3...and 4..and bend and clutch. Whoo, don't wanna get muscle bound.
(Everyone is disgusted)
- Otis: Jessica Allspice. Jessica Allspice. Jessica Allspice. (imagines Mrs. Beady having Jessica's figure) Come to me my top boarding song bird.
- Mrs. Beady: Nathan, is that you?
- Mr. Beady: I'm home Nora. Please be normal.
(Mrs. Beady clinches her eyes and screams as Otis jumps out the window)
- Otis: So not Jessica Allspice.
- Lucy: Uh, Let just say he accomplished that goal.
- All: Agreed.
- Otis: Ok, what's next?
- Eeyore: (looks at list) Join a singing trio in the opera.
- Pip: What am I going to do Pig? Otis and me, we did everything together.
- Pig: Well...you can find someone else to do stuff with. Let's see,uh...Hey I'm sure Everett got's some free time.
- Pip: Everett!?! Are you loco? He's like a hundred years old.
- Pig: HEY, EVERETT!!! EVERETT, PIP HERE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU!! Tell him,Pip.
- Pip: Um, hi. So here's how it works. I stand on your shoulder like this. (jumps on Everett but breaks) I broke him.
(Elsewhere our heroes watches Otis singing with a trio at the opera)
- Rabbit: Well that was fun, right guys? Guys? (see the others are sleeping)
- Wanda: Well on to the next item on the list.
(Back at the barn, Pip seemed more depressed then sees Bessie walking by)
- Pip: Hey, Bessie. With Otis gone, I'll be sorta lonely if you know what I'm saying.
- Bessie: Yeah, that's too bad. I could always crush you, then you could be like his little ghost friend. You just let me know, ok?
- Pip: Ok, sounds good. (grabbed by Abby)
- Abby: I'll your new best friend Pip. We can play games, wrassle, you can ride on my back, and we can bodyslam into the wall like this. (throws Pip and slams him to the wall) So when do I start?
- Pip: I'll be in touch.
(Elsewhere our heroes helps Oits accomplish many goals like taking up painting, won a medal in diving, played on a game show, crowned Miss Americow, and became the first cow to land on the moon)
- Timmy: Well Oits, Land on the moon was the last thing on the list.
- Lana: So do you feel better?
- Otis: Somehow, i don't. I don't understand. I've done everything I've always dreamed of: Swimmed with dolphins, grown a goatee, brought peace to the Baltic Nations, married a ice cream cone, I directed a reality show, I was a sad clown in a French circus. Why do I still feel empty inside?
(Suddenly the Pizza Boys comes in riding a railcar)
- Pizza Boy 1#: Dude, we forgot to go to work today.
- Pizza Boy 2#: Dude, we got fired a week ago.
- Pizza Boy 1#: Ah.....Awesome! (both rides off)
- Eeyore: Wow. Are they living life to the fullest.
- Lisa: Yeah, no matter kind of nonsense they're in, at least they have each other.
- Sunset Shimmer: Hey, maybe that's what missing.
- Otis: I think your right. How can I been so blind? Life's not about the stupid stuff you do. It's about the stupid stuff you do with your friends. I'm coming guys! I'm coming!
- Pooh: Wait up, Otis!
(Suddenly the Pizza Boys started from a train. Back at the Barnyard)
- Pip: (to Freddy and Peck) Now here's something Otis and I used to do alot. Check it. Off Eddy's butt into Pig's ear. (shoots it exactly)
- Freddy: Oooo, me next, me next. Off my own butt and into the beehive. (shoots it but it makes the bees very angry and started chasing them)
(Suddenly Duke comes in)
- Duke: Everybody, everybody, hey, listen up, listen to me. I just saw Otis coming this way.
- Abby: Otis? I thought he was off doing those wild kooky things he always dreamed about.
- Duke: I guess he got worried about us. We have to pretend we don't need him so he can keep living his dreams. And I think I know how.
(A few mintues later)
- Otis: Guys, guys, I'm back. Back to bask in the glory of your needyness.
- Abby: Oh don't you fret about us, Otis. Turns out Duke is a natural born leader.
- Duke: (talking to a donkey, a chicken, another dog and a cow) Ok, people, like we practice. Turn and sniff the butt of the animal next to you. Ahh nice. Everything under control here Otis. You go have fun. Don't you worry about us.
- Otis: Oh, um, ok. Yeah, you know what, I'm just gonna head over to the saloon, they probably need me to rehearse this week's number.
- Duke: You do that. All right, everyone, at ease.
(The animals couldn't breathe and the cow faints. Inside the saloon, Otis is about to sing at rehearsal)
- Pig: Hey, Oits, what are you doing?
- Otis: What'ya mean? I'm doing my signature low note.
- Pig: Oh, don't worry. We got it covered. (bring up a brown mouse and sung a low note)
- Tigger: He's good.
- Pooh: Very good.
(Otis leaves drepressed)
- Cosmo: Poor Otis.
- Wanda: Now he feels more depressed than ever.
- Leni: Oh don't feel bad, Otis. I'm sure Pip still wants to hang out with you.
- Otis: You're right, Leni. I'm gonna find Pip. Poor little tickle rat must be pining it away without me.
(Everyone see Freddy, Peck and Pip still being chased by bees)
- Lucy: We better help them.
- Eeyore: Yeah. (went off to help them)
- Otis: Look at him. He's having a great time without me. Not even dead yet and everyone forgotten I've ever exsisted. I know. I'll do something that'll burn me into their memories forever. (sees a canyon in the distance) Yeah, that will do just fine.
(Elsewhere, Freddy, Peck, and Pip took a breather)
- Pooh: Are you guys ok?
- Pip: Yeah, we're fine.
- Freddy: Are they still after us?
- Peck: No, I think we out ran them Freddy.
- Lucy: Actually, the bees got tired and began carrying Everett.
- Everett: Wheeeee.
- Lana: That was awkward.
(Suddenly the vet comes back)
- Piglet: It's that doctor again.
- Sunser Shimmer: Wonder what's she doing here again?
- Doctor: Hey, farmer, how are you? Good, good, sure, here's those vitamins I promised you.
- Farmer: Much obliged,doc. Still driving The Big Steer, I see.
- Doctor: Oh that mechanic was so silly. What a silly. Such a big silly. The van just needed a new spark plug.
- Pip: The Big Steer is her car?
- Rabbit: So that means--
- Timmy: Otis is gonna live
- Pip: Whoo-who!
- Pooh: Let's go tell Otis the big news.
(At the Barnyard)
- Tony Two-Cheeks: Slightly used. Very nice.
- Pip: Hey, Tony, have you seen Otis?
- Tony Two-Cheeks: Uh, yeah he just left. Something about, uh, jumping a canyon?
- Tigger: (mutters gibberish and gasps) WHAT?!
- Piglet: What?!
- Rabbit: What?!
- Eeyore: Huh?!
- Timmy Turner: What?!
- Cosmo and Wanda: What?!
- Lincoln: What!?!
- Loud Sisters: What!?!
- Scruffy: What?
- Sunset Shimmer: Wait, what!?
- Piglet: If he jumps that canyon, then he's really gonna die.
- Rabbit: Come on. We gotta stop Otis from doing that stunt.
(Everyone heads off to stop him)
- Tony Two-Cheeks: Hey, do you want to buy a universal remote?
(At the top of the canyon prepares to get ready as the sheep prepares to record it)
- Otis: Ok,sheep. You're my witness. If I don't make it, (sniffs) tell everyone I'll remember them forever.
- Sheep 1: Ok. But, if your dead, how could you remember them
- Sheep 2: Maybe, there's life after death.
- Sheep 1: But would you still have your memory?
- Sheep 3: Yeah, isn't that a function of the brain?
- Sheep 2: Maybe it transfers over to a afterlife brain.
- Otis: Just start the camera. (takes off)
- Pip: Otis! Otis, stop! It was all a crazy mistake! You're gonna live!
- Otis: What!?!
- Sheep: You're gonna live!
- Otis: (laughs) I gonna live! I GONNA LIVE!! (looks where he's at) I GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE----(falls)
(A few days later, Otis, completely injured try tasting salt lick)
- Abby: See, Otis, we we're just pretending to be ok, so you wouldn't worry about us.
- Pig: Yeah, you know. We could never forget you.
- Bessie: I'm glad you're not dead.
- Duke: And we're not leaving your side until you get better pal.
- Pip: Doctor Glove is back!
(Everyone leaves in a panic)
- Lynn: Turkeys!
- Doctor: Hey, sweetie. How's my big sweetie, ok? I'm just going to do a little checkie-poo. (ready her gloves)
- Otis: Moo? (screams in pain)