If You're a Guy is a song sung by the male pets in Dumb Dumbwaiter, while they're having a time with the girls away.

Dumb Dumbwaiter


If you're a guy
You're a pet who's the best
Say so long and goodbye
To those feminine pests
If you're a guy
You can spend all your time
In a coat and a tie
Singing lyrics that...
Sunil: Sound very good with the other lyrics.
Oh, what can I say, musical theater was never my strong suit.
If you're a guy
You don't need any girls
Come on and lets try
To do some manly dance twirls
You can burp without fear
You can scratch it when it itches
You can wiggle your rear
In your stylish new trousers
Vinnie: What?
Sunil: I tried to tell you!
[Vinnie and Russell]
Who needs (Sunil: Who needs)
Those girls (Sunil: Those girls)
They're bossy (Sunil: So bossy!)
And gross (Sunil: But they smell nice!)
[Vinnie, Russell and Sunil]
If you're a guy
You're a pet
With the most!

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