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If You're a Guy is a song sung by the male pets in Dumb Dumbwaiter, while they're having a time with the girls away.

Dumb Dumbwaiter

Lyrics

[Vinnie]
If you're a guy
You're a pet who's the best
Say so long and goodbye
To those feminine pests
[Sunil]
If you're a guy
You can spend all your time
In a coat and a tie
Singing lyrics that...
Sunil: Sound very good with the other lyrics.
Oh, what can I say, musical theater was never my strong suit.
[Russell]
If you're a guy
You don't need any girls
Come on and lets try
To do some manly dance twirls
[Vinnie]
You can burp without fear
[Russell]
You can scratch it when it itches
[Vinnie]
You can wiggle your rear
[Sunil]
In your stylish new trousers
Vinnie: What?
Sunil: I tried to tell you!
[Vinnie and Russell]
Who needs (Sunil: Who needs)
Those girls (Sunil: Those girls)
They're bossy (Sunil: So bossy!)
And gross (Sunil: But they smell nice!)
[Vinnie, Russell and Sunil]
If you're a guy
You're a pet
With the most!

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