|Season 2, Episode 12a|
|Written by||LegoKyle14 & Magmon47|
Man's Best Fiend/Transcript
(Everyone was coming out from the museum)
- Otis: Best museum trip ever.
- Mickey: Nice choice, Lisa.
- Lisa: Your Welcome.
- Otis: Who knew King Tut was such a party animal?
- Pip: Yeah, check out my official King Tut Egyptian Sippy Headdress. (slurps)
- Abby: And I got the Cleopatra Home Beauty Kit.
- Pig: And I got a King Tut action figure.
- Leni: AHHHH!!!! MUMMY!!!!
- Rabbit: Pig, that's King Tut's actual sarcophagus.
- Abby: Yeah, put it back before we get arrested.
- Pig: Oh, all right. (brings it back up)
- Otis: Hey, what are you guys eating?
- Peck: Sugar-Frosted Phara-Ohs.
- Freddy: "Ancient egypt's favorite flame-puffed "
- Pooh: Delicious.
- Tigger: Delectable.
- Timmy: Awesome.
- Otis: You can practically taste the secrets of the Nile.
(Suddenly Pig drops the sarcophagus)
- Pig: Whoopsie.
(The tomb went flying in the air)
- Tigger: Otis, DUCK!!!
- Otis: (screams) Impending historical pain! (bonks on the head)
- Luan: Whoa. Talk about cramming history. (laughs)
- Human Rainbow Dash: Not now Luan!
(Later that night at the barnyard)
- Pig: I hope he's okay. He's been out for hours.
- Abby: That thing hit him pretty hard.
(Otis started to wake up)
- Pip: He's coming around. Somebody get him some water.
- Cosmo: We're on it.
(Cosmo and Freddy constantly pour water on Otis)
- Peck: Guys, he's already awake.
- Freddy: Then our work here is done.
- Otis: By the chew toys of Anubis, fetch hither the moist towelettes of the Nile that I may freshen myself thereon.
- Goofy: Otis, are you okay?
- Otis: O-tis? I know not this O-tis. I am King Cudenhotep IV, royal pharaoh of all Egypt.
(Everyone began to laugh)
- Otis: These sounds of laughter please me greatly. Let us prepare an awesome festival that all may partake in the funness thereof.
- Sci-Twi: Uh, what's wrong with Otis?
- Otis: We'll hang the mummy wrappings here.
- Abby: Guys, that blow on the head made him think he's an actual Egyptian pharaoh.
- Pig: No way. He's fine.
- Otis: (hangs diamond pyramid) Let a sparkly disco pyramid be hung thusly.
- Human Fluttershy: That's a little weird.
- Otis: We have no balloons.Fetch me the heads of my enemies!
- Wanda: He's broken.
- Freddy: He sure is. Where are we gonna find heads at this hour?
- Abby: Guys, maybe all Otis needs is a good night's sleep.
- Peck: Yeah, just let him sleep it off.
- Pip: Hey, your Majesty, we're gonna go to bed. You get some rest and try not to embalm yourself.
- Otis: Splendid. yes, get your rest. For tomorrow, King Cud's reign of fun begins.
- Narrator: The next morning written in hieroglyphics this happened.
(Everyone wakes up hearing construction)
- Human Rarity: What's that noise?
- Bessie: If I don't get 15 hours of beauty sleep, I turn nasty.
- Luan: You mean, nastier. (laughs)
- Pig: Oh, snap! She went there.
(Bessie bonks Pig)
- Abby: Somebody's making an awful racket.
- Pig: (gasps) Maybe it's Santa.
- Freddy: Santa?
- Peck: Quick, Freddy, pretend you're asleep.
- Human Rainbow Dash: Guys, it's June.
- Cosmo: Maybe he's early!
- Pip: Hey, it's coming from the wheat field.
(As they head outside, they were speechless seeing gophers building a Sphinx of Otis)
- Otis: Smooth out my regal shoulder blades. Plump up my semidivine lips. Plump them.
- Rabbit: Otis, what is all of this?
- Otis: Aha, greetings, loyal subjects. I'm building a giant sphinx-shaped dance club in my glorious likeness. Whoo! ooh-ooh.
- Bessie: How did you get the beavers to build that monstrosity?
- Otis: A fair question, unattractive one. I offered them tickets to the opening night party.
- Gopher 1#: So what are you wearing?
- Gopher 2#: I'm all about satin.
- Pip: And what did you do with the wheat? He asked fearfully.
- Otis: Worry not. The wheat is stored in a safe location. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to supervise the plumbing of the little pharaoh's room. (leaves)
- Pig: Guy, Otis still thinks he's king cud.
- Abby: If the farmer comes back and sees him acting like a pharaoh, it's the end of everything.
- Freddy: And we'll have to leave the barnyard forever.
- Peck: Well, we don't have much time. The farmer gets back from hand puppet camp today.
(At Puppet Camp)
- Farmer: Hello, Mr. dragon. I brought you a turnip from my garden.
- Dragon Puppet: Dragons hate turnips. I knew you'd fail me. [roars] - What, mr. dragon?
- Farmer: That's not your line. Ah, why?
- Pip: Look, don't worry, guys. I've seen this a hundred times on tv. We just hit him on the head, and he'll go right back to normal.
- Lisa: Pip, you seem unable to distinguish between scientific fact and preposterous Hollywood schlock.
- Lincoln: Well, we could give it a try.
- Abby: Where are we gonna find someone to hit otis on the head?
- Lori: Bessie, if you please?
- Bessie: I'm way ahead of you. Hey, King Ugly. Get ready for brain pain.
- Otis: Imperial beaver guards, seize her.
(Beavers Started to grab Bessie and takes her away)
- Bessie: What's going on? Put me down, you bucktoothed freaks.
- Otis: The hideous she-devil has been vanquished. Let the construction continue.
- Pig: Believe those beavers? You'd have to be a colossal moron to think otis is a real pharaoh.
- Freddy, Cosmo, and Peck: (bowing) All hail King Cud. All hail King Cud.
- Timmy: Found them.
- Otis: Your groveling pleases me. You shall be my personal body servants.
- Freddy: I get to drink his bathwater.
- Peck: No, me!
- Comso: Come on. I get to.
- Peck: Avert your eyes.
- Abby: This is terrible. As long as he has beaver guards, Otis will never let anyone close enough to bonk him on the head.
- Pip: He would if that someone was a spicy Egyptian hottie. Maybe someone Otis already has a secret crush on?
- Pig: Okay, I'll do it. Why must I be so desirable?
- Mickey: I think he meant someone gorgeous like...
- Lola: Me.
- Mickey: No.
- Human Rarity: Oh darling you're to kind.
- Pip: I meant Abby.
- Rarity: Oh, right.
- Abby: Well, I guess I have no choice. Good thing I bought that Cleopatra home beauty kit.
- Pip: Come on. let's go.
- Rabbit: Come on, quick.
- Tigger: We got to fix this posthaste.
- Pig: Some of us are naturally pretty.
- Lola: I know, right.
(Ask Dr. Pig Segment)
- Pig: Hello, I'm Dr. Pig, archaeologist, that means baby doctor. Did you know the ancient Egyptians invented many of the things we still use today? Like the shopping cart, hula hoop, and the eyeball. I'm using mine now. Thanks, ancient Egyptians. Eyeball.
(The gophers finish the Otis Shaped Sphinx)
- Otis: Behold! King Cud's Groove Grotto is complete. Now we shall party like it's 1999..BC!!!! (Sees Pig and blows a horn) What's this? Step forward, jolly eunuchs, and explain your hornlike blast.
- Pig: Announcing the arrival of her royalness, the jewel of the Nile herself, the enchanting Cowapatra.
(The sheep brings Abby in. Otis jaws drops on Pig's Head. As Abby was about to greet Otis, beavers came in)
- Otis: Beaver guards, stand down. This egyptian sand flower presents no danger. Step forward, enchantress, that I may gaze upon what you got going on. [whispers] Body servants, freshen me. (got freshened up)
- Abby: Why, hello there, your kingliness.
- Otis: Well, hello to you. And may I say, your beauty brings my royal senses great pleasure.
- Abby: Oh, that's not all I'm bringing.
- Otis: I'm sorry. what was that?
- Abby: Oh, nothing. nothing. I wasn't gonna bash your head or anything. Ha-ha!
- Otis: Fetching and funny. I prize that highly in a lady. I bow down, leaving my head totally exposed, as I ask you to be my bride.
- Abby: Sorry, Otis, this is for your own-- bride?
- Pip: What are you waiting for? Hit him already.
- Abby: Uh, uh. I'd be honored, your pharaohness.
- Pip: What?
- Tigger: (mutters gibberish and gasps) WHAT!?!?
- Piglet: WHAT!!?!?
- Pooh: WHAT!?!?!
- Rabbit: WHAT!?!?!?
- Eeyore: HUH!?!??!
- Timmy: WHAT?!?!
- Wanda: WHAT?!?!
- Lincoln: WHAT?!?!
- Girl Louds: WHAT!?!?!
- Human Pinkie Pie: WHAT!!?!?
- Mickey, Donald and Goofy: What?!?!
- Otis: Splendid. we shall be married at once. Body servants, prepare the groove grotto for a magnificent wedding at which there will be much getting funky and partytastic revelry.
- All three: We're on it.
- Otis: And I'll see you in 32,000 sand grains.
- Goofy: How much time is that?
- Lisa: That's like an hour.
- Leni: Oh I love weddings.
- Timmy: Leni, they're not getting married. I think I know how fix this. I wish Otis is back to normal!
(Than Cosmo and Wanda's wands didn't work)
- Spike the Dog: What happened?
- Wanda: We can't because someone use them to clean Otis.
- Cosmo: It wasn't someone it was me.
- Donald: Looks like we have to wait until they're dry.
- Pip: We should have gone with Pig.
- Pig: Thank you.
- Abby: Sorry, guys. It's not every day a gal gets proposed to, you know?
- Sunset Shimmer: Look I know you like him, but if you our secret safe, he's has to lose his memory again.
- Abby: Ok. I promise to conk him real good at the ceremony.
- Pip: You'd better. The farmer's coming back in an hour.
(On the road with the Farmer and Puppets)
- Dragon Puppet: Pull over at this gas station. I need to make a pit stop.
- Farmer: But dragon puppet, we just stopped two exits ago.
- Dargon Puppet: Dragons don't explain things.Now pull over.
- Farmer: Okay.
- Dragon Puppet: You two idiots wait here. This could take a while. (hums as it leaves)
- Farmer Puppet: Quick, let's get out of here.
- Farmer: But he told us to wait.
- Farmer Puppet: That dragon's crazy. We got to ditch him.
- Farmer: But that's not very--
- Farmer Puppet: I said drive!
(Farmer screams and drives off)
- Narrator: 32,000 Sand grains later. It's like an hour.
- (At the wedding at the grotto)
- Tigger: I'm just so happy to be the best man. I'm so happy I feel like bouncing.
- Rabbit: Not now Tigger.
- Tigger: Oh. Oh, right.
- Peck: We are gathered here to join King Cud and Cowapatra in sacred matrimony.
- Otis: And super sweet disco after party.
- Luna: Rocking.
- Peck: Right, but first, a few words about marriage.
(Everyone moans. Elsewhere Pip sees the Farmer coming)
- Pip: The farmer!
- Peck: A joining of two hearts, a gluing of two souls, a linkage of--
- Otis: Snore. get on with it!
- Peck: Sorry. Your highness, do you have the ring?
(Otis searches for the ring, and a call came from Pip)
- Abby: Kind of a bad time, Pip.
- Pip: The farmer's coming. You got to clock him now.
- Abby: Really? Cause if I just had a few seconds more, then we'd--
- Pip: Just do it!
- Abby: Right.
- Otis: (grabs the ring) Here it is. (drops the ring) Whoopsie.
- Abby: Sorry, Otis, this is for your own good.
- Otis: (stops it) Got ya, ringy.
(Abby throws the scepter but it lands through the wall and wheat pours out)
- Piglet: Oh dear.
- Tigger: Uh oh.
- Timmy: Not good.
- Otis: By the hair extensions of Isis, what treachery is this?
- Abby: Uh, my scepter slipped?
- Human Fluttershy: What is this stuff?
- Otis: It's the wheat we cleared to build the Sphinx.We stored it in these sacred walls to reduce the party noise. The Assyrians next door like to sleep in.
- Abby: We're all gonna be buried alive.
- Otis: Fear not, my queen. We'll just finish the ceremony in the afterlife.
(The room began to fill. Everyone began to panic)
- Peck: We're gonna be buried alive?
- Freddy: That wasn't in the job description.
- Peck: We got to get to higher ground.
- Cosmo: Quick, let's climb up this rope.
(As they climb, the disco pyramid fell)
- Otis: Mellow out, my subjects. You look tense. (the pyramid lands on his head) Oh. ugh. Where am I? Why am I being smothered by wheat?
- Pig: Funny story.See, we were walking up the stairs to the museum when suddenly a sarcophagus--(mumbles)
- Sci-Twi: Long story short, we're all going to die.
- Abby: Otis, we got to find a way out of here before we get covered in wheat.
- Otis: Wheat! Hold on. I'm getting an idea.
- (Flashback to yesterday)
- Peck: Sugar-frosted Pharaohs.
- Freddy: "Ancient Egypt's favorite flame-puffed wheat cereal "
- Otis: Nah, I got nothing. No, wait. I have something...unless? Oh, that won't work either, but what if-- -
- Everyone: OTIS!!!!
- Otis: Just heightening the suspense. Now who wants flame-puffed wheat? (set the wheat on fire and the Sphinx exploded and the scepter flew in the air)
- Abby: Otis, you did it.
- Spike the dog: We're alive!
- Pooh: Too late. The farmer!
- Farmer: You animals were talking.
- Timmy: Uh, Wanda are your wands dry now?
- Wanda: Go for it.
- Timmy: I wish the farmer loses his memory of...
- Farmer Puppet: Uh, you might want to look up.
- Farmer: What? Why would I want to look--(knocked on the head with the scepter)
- Timmy: Never mind.
- Farmer Puppet: I told you, you idiot.
(Later that day, everyone is eating cereal)
- Abby: Otis, how much longer do we have to eat puffed wheat?
- Otis: (point to giant bunch of wheat) I figure about 17 years.
- Lincoln: What's the upside of this?
- Otis: Cheer up, guys. The Sphinx is gone, the beavers replanted the wheat, and my brain again good work now.
- Abby: I guess everything's back to normal.
- Pip: Except that blow to the head made the farmer think he's Ben Franklin.
- Farmer: Frugality is the rich man's housecoat. Its pocket are filled with idleness and self--(gets electrocuted)
- Luan: Well that's shocking. (laughs) (got hit with wheat)
(Back at the gas station)
- Dragon puppet: Ah, I'm a new dragon. (hums and notices the truck was missing) Hey, where'd they go?Those idiots ditched me. (growls)