The episode opens with Peter sitting in a study, explaining that "Lois has been complaining that I watch too much TV and don't read enough books." He then picks out three novels by "the greatest author of the last thousand years," Stephen King, and proceeds to share them with the viewer.
In the summer of 1955, four 12-year-old boys — Petey LaChance (Peter, with Richard Dreyfuss's voice in his head narrating the story), Quag Chambers (Quagmire), Joey Duchamp (Joe with Roy Scheider's voice in his head, who starts talking with Dreyfuss until Joe stops them), and Cleve Brown (Cleveland) — set out to find a dead body in the woods, following a set of railroad tracks to find it. At the start of their trip, they try going through Old Man Pressman's (Stewie) junkyard, only to be chased out by Pressman and his dog Chopper (Brian). As they travel further down the tracks, they are chased across a bridge by a train, which ends up running over Joey's legs, as does another train that follows closely behind, which effectively cripples him. The others end up going all the way back to Pressman's junkyard to get him a wheelchair.
Upon finding the body (Meg Griffin), they are confronted by the town bully Ace (Mayor West) and his gang, consisting of Beast-Man, Mer-Man, and Norm from Cheers, who come to take credit for finding the body. Ace threatens the boys with a knife, but Petey pulls out a gun to intimidate Ace, who swears he will come back for revenge and could get a gun tomorrow. However, since their next meeting will be inevitable, as they live in the same neighborhood, Petey lets Ace have the body to avoid further consequences. Upon returning home, the boys go their separate ways; Joey comes to terms with being crippled and creates a new wheelchair rugby game called "Don't-Feel-Sorry-For-Us-Ball", Cleve grows up to marry Rebecca Romijn (who is the real-life wife of Jerry O'Connell, who played the character of "the fat kid" in the actual film), and Quag grows up to become a famous Hollywood actor who eventually dies of a drug overdose (a reference to the fact River Phoenix, who played Chris Chambers in the actual film, went the same way and the unseen adult version of Chris dies, but in a different manner), while Petey's fate becomes a mystery.
Famed writer Paul Sheldon (Brian) has just finished his latest and final installment in his series entitled Snuggly Jeff, a series of children's books in which he kills off the titular character so he can focus on more serious work, despite objections from his agent, Marcia (Lois). While driving through a snowstorm, Paul accidentally hits Stephen King with his car, causing Paul to swerve off the road and crash into a snowbank, while King gets the idea for another novel within seconds and manages to finish writing the plot in just a few seconds before hitting the ground completely unscathed.
Paul is rescued by Stewie Wilkes (Stewie), Paul's self-proclaimed number-one fan, who takes the injured Paul to his remote cabin. Upon finding and reading the manuscript of Paul's latest Snuggly Jeff book, Stewie is infuriated about the main character's death and forces Paul to rewrite it and bring Snuggly Jeff back to life, holding him hostage until he manages to do so. Stewie rejects the idea of bringing Snuggly Jeff back to life with a child's wish, calling it bad storytelling and comparing it to a plot hole in the film Contact.
After sending Stewie out for more paper, Paul finds several news articles in an album that imply Wilkes is actually a serial killer. Just then, the local sheriff (Joe) appears, and is surprised to find Paul there. Before he can help him, however, Stewie blows his legs off with a shotgun. The sheriff then complains that he will now have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, only to be shot again and killed by Stewie. Paul finally finishes the book and demands Stewie let him go, but Stewie refuses, knowing he will try to turn him in to the police and tell them he kidnapped him, held him hostage, and fondled him in his sleep, which Paul did not know originally. Paul's ultimate fate is left ambiguous as the story ends with a Magnum, P.I.-style credits roll.
Andy Dufresne (Peter) is sent to Shawshank Prison, though none of the inmates think much of him, particularly Red (Cleveland, who narrates the story). A month passes before Andy literally says two words to Red, and later asks him for a rock hammer, claiming he carves Star Wars figurines out of stone. He also suggests in a poorly veiled manner that he will use the hammer to tunnel out of the prison. Andy and Red end up becoming fast friends, and Red provides him with the rock hammer. One day, the prison's stern warden Samuel Norton (Carter) takes a liking to Andy's figurines and offers to sell them so he can take all the money for himself, crippling Bogs (Joe), one of the inmates who had raped Andy in the shower, as a sign of good will (despite Andy saying that he liked him). Andy is then given permission to clean Norton's office, and, while doing so, plays a record of "Hollaback Girl" across the whole prison, which utterly confuses all the inmates and infuriates Norton, who calls Andy into his office and places him in solitary confinement for two months after Andy indirectly insults him.
Afterward, Andy grows determined to escape from Shawshank, and informs Red that he is going to Zihuatanejo in Mexico, telling him that if he should ever get out of prison, he should go to a hayfield in Buxton, Maine, and there will be a volcanic rock, and a gift for him under it. During an inspection the next day, Andy has disappeared without a trace. In a fury, Norton throws one of Andy's rocks at a suggestive poster of David Cassidy on the wall of Andy's cell, tearing a hole through Cassidy's rectum. Norton then pulls the poster off, discovering a tunnel that Andy had made his escape through the night before. Andy is then shown breaking into a sewage pipe while Norton is distracted by watching an episode of Friends, allowing him to crawl out to freedom. Sometime later, Red is brought before a parole board and complains that the concept of rehabilitation is just a way for the board members to make themselves feel important, and declares he will start killing people as soon as he is released; for no apparent reason, Red is put on parole anyway and released from Shawshank. Red goes to the field in Buxton with the volcanic rock to fulfill his promise to Andy, finding a box beneath the rock containing money and a postcard asking if he remembers the name of the Mexican village Andy told him about; unfortunately, to Red's annoyance, he does not. Andy is then shown preparing a boat on a beach in Zihuatanejo, eagerly waiting for Red to arrive, though Red never does.