Here's how the opening crawl and the battle over Jakku goes in Revenge of the Nightmare Family & Changling Queen.
[We see Patchy flipping burgers at a restaurant]
Patchy: Hey, kids! Potty and I took jobs as fry cooks so we could be just like our heroes the Eds!
Potty: I took the job for the free sodas.
Patchy: Potty, don't you have some dishes to wash?
Mr. Pirateson: Arrrrrrrrrgh!
Patchy: Hey, kids! Say hello to my boss, Mr. Pirateson.
Mr. Pirateson: Arrrrrrrrrgh! [gives Patchy a piece of paper]
Patchy: [Reads] One order of scurvy fries, one large bilge water.
Mr. Pirateson: Arrrrrrrrrgh! Arrrrrrrrrrgh!
Patchy: Oh, I'm sorry. Diet bilge water. Better get on it sir. [Hits himself with his own hook] Owwwwwww!
Potty: P.U.! What are you cooking?
Patchy: Oh, Potty, you're just in time to see me new pirate patties. I call this one "Buried Treasure". [reveals a treasure chest on a hamburger]
Potty: Where'd you dig that one up?
Patchy: I call this one "Walk the Plank". [reveals a wooden board on a hamburger]
Potty: I'm already "board" with that one.
Patchy: This'll blow out your old bird brain of yours. Behold! The Patchy Patty! [reveals a patty on a burger with a face made out of ketchup and mustard on it]
Patchy Patty: Ahoy!
Potty: Aw, that's the worst one yet.
Patchy: Potty the Parrot, you are never supported of me! I don't wanna be your friend anymore! I never wanna see you again!
Potty: Brawk, Patchy, no! [Patchy cries and runs to another room] Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Brawk! Brawl!
Patchy: You know kids this isn't the first time a perfect patty's come between two good friends. It happened once to Brian Griffin. Here, take a look while I pull myself together. [continues crying. film starts]
[Stuingtion Productions, proudly presents...]
"Ed, Edd, n Eddy's Ed-ventures Chronicles.
Revenge of the Nightmare Family & Changling Queen
Weeks have passed since the events of of "Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor", and Ed, Edd, and Eddy and the rest of our heroes have made peace after the fall of Bradey O'Diesel and the Sith. However, after their time of peace and victory, it seems that the Sith have not completely fallen yet. As a space battle takes place over Jakku, Blythe Baxter has been captured by Biff, Tiff, and The Biskits. So now, Jedi Knights Brian and Vinny Griffin attempt a daring rescue mission to save her....
[the camera then pans down and shows the battle over Jakku raging on, and 2 starships passed by as the battle continues]
Brian: Alright, we're gonna take this trip nice and smoothly.
Vinny: Let them pass between us. Accelerate to attack speed!
[The 2 ships go to attack mode and attack the flying droids]
Vinny: Nice shots, Bri.
Brian: Not so bad yourself! Cover me, Jimmy.
Jimmy (clone): I'm right with you, General Brian!
[The 2 attack several droid ships, till one is on Jimmy's tail!]
Brian: Jimmy, get clear!
Jimmy (clone): I can hold it!
Jimmy (clone): No, I'm alright!
[Then his ship explodes]
Jimmy (clone): I'M HIT!!! DAAAHHH!!!
Brian: JIMMY, NO!!!
[then a vulture droid shoots missiles]
Vinny: Missiles, pull up!
[Brian and Vinny pulls up but the missiles chase after them]
Vinnny: Split up!
[they do so, but the missiles then split up and chase each one of the ships]
[And, as Vinny is flying away]
Vinny: Flying is for droids.
[then several buzz droids land on Vinny's ship]
Vinny: Brian, I need assistance.
Brian: Buzz droids.
[the Buzz droids then start damaging Vinny's ship]
Vinny: Oh dear, they're shutting down all the controls!
Brian: Move more to the right, so I can get a clear shot at them.
Vinny: No, get to the main ship, and get Blythe! we're running out of tricks here!
[Brian then starts shooting at the droids, but ends up damaging part of Vinny's ship]
Vinny: Hold your fire, it's not helping me here!
Brian; You're right. that's not working.
[Brian then flies in closer alongside Vinny's ship and clangs]
Brian: Hold Still. I'm gonna try something else.
[Brian then slides the wing of his ship on Vinny's and crushes the Buzz Droids]
Brian: The command ship is dead ahead.
Vinny: But the shields are still up!
Brian: Oh, right!
[Brian turns over, and then shoots the shield generator]
[and then the main doors start to close]
Vinny: I have a extremely bad feeling about this!
[the 2 ships then speed in and make it through the main opening at the last second and their ships skid on the landing dock, and they activate their Lightsabers and kill droids in the hanger]
[then they hack into the system and find Blythe on the ship's schematics]
Vinny: Blythe's signal is coming from the main observation tower.
Brian: We should meet her on top of that spirea.
Vinny: Let's move.
[as they race down the halls, they killed many droids on the way]
[as they soon hop into an elevator, which happens to have several droids inside it, and the 2 kill them all]
[Then the elevator stops]
Vinny: You press the stop button?
Brian: No, did you?
Brian: Well, time for plan B. [he then uses his Lightsaber to cut a hole in the roof of the elevator]
Vinny: I don't wanna a "plan B", I wanna get moving!
[Then the roof falls open with a hole]
[but after Brian hops out, the elevator then suddenly goes up]
[Brian then hops down inside the elevator]
Vinny: What just happened?
Brian: I don't know.
[Then they reach to top where Blythe was there]
Brian: You alright?
Blythe Baxter: Cashmere and Velvet.
[then Brian and Vinny look back and see Cashmere and Velvet with some super magna droids]
Cashmere: Your swords please.
Velvet: Yeah, we don't wanna make a mess in front of Baxter.
Vinny: She's coming with us.
[They all activate their sabers]
[they then start clashing sabers]
Brian: My powers have doubled since the last time we encountered each other.
Cashmere: Twice the pride, double the fall.
[they continue clashing their sabers as Vinny is knocked back, as Brian and the 2 chinchillas go up the stairs, as Vinny gets back up and kills the droids]
[but as they come to a blade lock, Cashmere Force chokes Vinny as Velvet Force shoves Brian back. And then they Force throw Vinny against the walkway and then pin him underneath it]
Brian: [growls] You stupid cats!
[He then kicks them down from the upper level and jumps down and furiously clashes sabers against them as he then cuts off their hands and decapitates them]
Brian: [pants as he deactivates his Lightsaber]
Blythe Baxter: [stares in surprise for a moment but regains herself] Excellent work, Brian. They were too dangerous to be alive.
Brian: I know, but I shouldn't have done that, (releases Blythe's restraints) it's not the Jedi way.
Blythe Baxter: Yeah. But what's done is done. Now, let's get out of here before more droids show up.
[as Blythe heads for the stairs, Brian goes to retrieve Vinny.]
Blythe Baxter: Brian, what are you doing?
Brian: I can't leave him here! [Pulls out Vinny and throws him over his shoulder]
Blythe Baxter: Okay, let's get out of here! [races out]
Brian: Right behind you!
[soon, outside, 2 ships are in a cross fire]
[and then the elevator doesn't work]
Brian: [pressing the down button] Come on, dog gone it!
Blythe Baxter: Maybe I can try to open it.
Brian: [hands Blythe her lightsaber] It's a good thing I brought this.
Blythe Baxter: [grabs it] Thank you, it's good to have this back. [activates it]
[Then bang! The ship begins to fall]
Blythe Baxter: That's not good!
Brian: Quick, grab my hand! [reaches out and Blythe grabs it, as he pulls her up]
[and then the 2 run down]
Blythe Baxter: I have a very bad feeling about this!
Captain: Fire the emergency booster engines!
[the emergency booster engines then fire up and slowly the ship begins to get level again. Brian grabs some wires, and Blythe hangs on to his legs]
Vinny: [stirs awake] Huh? [looks down] WHOA!!! [hangs on Brian] Brian, what is going on!?
Brian: Take it easy! Were in a tight situation here!
[then there's a rumbling]
Blythe Baxter: Wait a minute. What is that?!
Brian: Huh? [looks up and gasps. The elevator is coming straight down] Oh, shoot!
Vinny: Quick, jump!
[they slide down, and then jump through an open door as the elevator rockets past them]
[but then several droids of different kinds then point their blasters at them and surround them]
Battle droid: Freeze! Come on, get up!
Vinny: Do you have a Plan "C"?
[They are being taken to the bridge]
Brit: Ah, yes!
Brittany Biskit: Like, look what the droids have caught.
Tiff: Baxter, Snoopy, and Old Yeller.
Vinny: (whispers) "Old Yeller"?
Brian: (whispers) Must be their name for you. Since they like to call Sylveon "Tinker Bell"" and me "Snoopy".
Tiff: Your Lightsabers will be fine additions to our collection.
Brian: I don't think so. [he falls on his back, but lands on his hands and kicks them in the shins. And force grabs his lightsaber and frees himself]
Brit: Droids, attack!
[The droids then deploy electro-staffs]
Brian: [frees Vinny and Blythe as they Force grab their sabers]
Tiff: Make them suffer!
[the 3 battle the Magna droids and soon overwhelm them, and kill them. Then corner the girls]
Brian: End of the line, ladies.
Vinny: You're cornered!
Britt: [force pulls a MagnaStaff] You loose! Stinkers! [she slams it on the glass]
Blythe: Hang on to something!
[The glass breaks free, as everything is being sucked out]
Tiff: Sorry we can't stay, but we gotta run!
[they fly out the window and hold their breaths, and get in a shuttle]
Whittany Biskit: Like, that totally rotted.
Brit: Yes, it did.
Tiff: Now, let's get goin'! We'll get em' next time!
[they then take off as several of the other shuttles leave too]
[back in the control room]
Blythe Baxter: [reaches out and hits the emergency shield door button]
[Then the ships blowing up]
Brian: The escape pod's been launched.
Vinny: Do you think we can land this thing?
Brian: We're just above Jakku, should be no problem.
Blythe Baxter: If this ship stays together long enough to allow proper landing anyway.
[they then hop into the pilot chairs and take control of the ship]
[Then, the back half of the ship starts to break loose and then breaks off!]
Vinny: I think we lost something.
Brian: Don't worry, we're still flying. Mostly.
[The ship is going down fast]
Blythe Baxter: We're really picking up speed, now!
Vinny: We're in the atmosphere!
Brian: Grab that, and keep us a low level!
Vinny: [grabs the lever]
Blythe Baxter: Open all flaps!
Brian: We're coming in too hot!
[Soon they land, and skid on the ground, but stopped just in time]
Vinny: Another happy landing.