|The Barn Buddy|
|Season 2, Episode 10b|
|Written by||LegoKyle14 and Magmon47|
Barnyards and Broomsticks/Transcript
(The scene begins with Otis about to put)
- Otis: Otis lines up his shot. He needs this putt to win the Tackle Golf Championship.
- Lynn and Human Rainbow Dash: (off-screen) Dog-Pile!
(Everyone tackles Otis)
- Abby: Yes! The Tackle Golf Cup is ours.
- Peck: (blows his whitsle) Roughing the cow: 300-yard penalty.
(Everyone became angry with Peck)
- Peck: Hey, I calls them as I sees them.
- Human Pinkie Pie: That's what you said on Lori's turn with that frisbee pentaly.
(Flashback to a few minutes ago)
- Lori: (to herself) If Lori Loud can sink this four-footer, she'll literally win the Masters.
- Lynn: Heads up!
- Tigger: Lori, DUCK!!!
(Lori falls in a hole)
- Lucy: Do you mind? This grave is spoken for.
(Lana notices what happened and sheepishly leaves.)
- Cosmo: Uh oh.
- Timmy Turner: Run.
- Peck: Like I said, I calls them as I sees them.
♪♪ Oh, I'm the gas man, I'm the gas man ♪♪
♪♪ I read peoples' meters ♪♪
♪♪ I'm the gas man ♪♪
(screams and he sees everyone arguing)
- Otis: Uh-oh.
- Gas Man: Talking animals and crazy kids! I saw you. You animals were walking and talking and playing an obscure form of golf.
- Otis: Sir, calm down. We are not talking animals. We're, um, uh, you know.
- Freddy: Fruit cup distributors.
- Otis: No, we're--
- Abby: Sassy improv comics.
- Goofy: Golf Animal mascots!
- Sci-Twi: Circus performers doing a animal standing act.
- Otis: That is not helpful.
- Pig: Oh, I know. We're imaginary brain pixies and only you can see us. Nailed it.
- Cosmo: Right.
- Otis: (sighs drops a bale of hay on the gas man)
- Gas man: Head hurting. Memory of recent events fading. (faints)
- Abby: Otis, that's the third meter reader this month.
- Lisa: Including those, that's 3 meter mans, 4 pizza delivers, 2 paper boys and 10 girls scouts.
- Human Fluttershy: I really want their cookies
- Cosmo: So did I
- Peck: What happened to our security system?
- Otis: You mean Pip?
- Human Applejack: He runs to slow.
- Human Rainbow Dash: Speaking of which.
- Pip: (runs in) Guys, Guys. The meter reader's coming! The meter reader--(sees him) never mind.
(At the farmer's house)
- Otis: (looking on the computer) Okay, we obviously need a new security system.
- Mickey Mouse: But those things are expensive.
- Human Rarity: I'm sure we'll find something.
- Pip: We're out of salsa! We're out of salsa!
- Otis: Now you're just trying too hard.
- Pip: Alarm system? What are you firing me?
- Abby: Don't worry, Pip. No machine could ever replace you.
- Otis: Hey, I found a machine that can replace Pip.
- Abby: I stand corrected.
- Winnie the Pooh: What it's called?
- Donald: It look so cool.
- Otis: Check it out, folks. The Dreadnought Security System. It has state-of-the-art military technology and a super-fast computer brain. It's perfect.
- Timmy Turner: Looks like a new version of a Terminator.
- Human Pinkie Pie: How much does it cost?
- Otis: Um, $350 million.
- Eeyore: And how much do we have?
- Peck: Uh, we have $14 and a bus token.
- Lisa: I can build a new security system.
- Rabbit: I don't know, Lisa.
- Sunset Shimmer: Yeah, your machines always go haywire.
- Lisa: No it doesn't.
- Piglet: Remember what happen to the last machine you built?
(Lisa brings in a robot)
- Eeyore: What is that?
- Lisa: Say hello to Todd. He's fluent in over 600 languages.
- Todd: Hola. Bonjour. Guten Tag. Goodbye. (blast everyone with his laser)
- Lisa: Oh, and he destroys anything inferior to him.
- Timmy Turner: Now you tell us.
(Back to present)
- Lisa: Oh yeah.
- Otis: Mm, then in that case, I would recommend the Barn Buddy. It's got all the same features at a fraction of the cost.
- Abby: Crazy Ivar's House of Discarded Military Technology?
- Otis: Crazy Ivar's means quality.
- Spike the dog: What's all the tiny print say?
- Otis: Tiny stuff. who cares? If it were really important, they'd have put it in big print. The main thing is, we've solved our security problem, and we still have a bus token.
- Everyone: YAY!
(The Next Day, the mailman delivers the package)
- Otis: Sweet, our new state-of-the-art but curiously inexpensive security system is here.
- Freddy: Mmm, you can really smell the safety.
- Otis: Gather 'round, guys. From now on, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.
- Pig: What about zombies?
- Abby: Or river brigands?
- Sci-Twi: Or Bowser and his family?
- Sunset Shimmer: Or the Masters of Evil?
- Timmy Turner: Or Vicky?
- Lucy: Or every villain coming out to get us?
- Otis: Okay, maybe those, but everything else can be handled by the Barn Buddy. Now, let's see. Step one: Select voice. Airline pilot.
- Barn Buddy: (pilot voice) Uh, this is your captain speaking.
- Human Rarity: No, how about news anchor.
- Barn Buddy: Good evening. Hear now the news.
- Luan: How about the setting to crotchety, short-tempered uncle?
- Barn Buddy: (yells)
(Everyone likes the voice)
- Barn Buddy: Hello, and congratulations on your purchase of me, the Barn Buddy.
- Pig: Oh, that's very crotchety.
- Rabbit: Now why does that voice sounded familiar?
- Barn Buddy: Let's get started on my quick and easy setup. Shall we? I'd be delighted.
- Abby: Otis, how's that tiny little thing gonna protect the whole barnyard?
- Human Fluttershy: He doesn't look like a security system.
- Timmy Turner: Yeah, he looks like a lunchbox with lights.
- Barn Buddy: The following is a test of my level orange alert. (alarm buzzes) INTRUDERS! Wake up! this is not good! We have a situation here! (yells) System functional.
- Cosmo: Wow, my ear fell off after hearing that.
- Luan: Talk about losing your hearing.
- Otis: Best 14 bucks we ever spent.
- Barn Buddy: Please attach me to the nearest wall to continue. (Otis placed it one wall near the door and wires went all around the barn) All right then. Your barn buddy system is online.Testing doorway and window access. (cages all the windows and doors) Checking environmental controls. (turns the temperature to cold) And finally, checking servo security limbs. (Pulls out a tons of hands and scares everyone) You are now 100% safe. Would anyone like a refreshing beverage?
- Leni: I would.
- Human Pinkie Pie: Not now, Leni!
- Abby: You dumb machine, you scared us half to death.
(Everyone agrees in anger)
- Pip: I got fired for this?
- Barn Buddy: Was it something I said? Because I can deal with rejection.
- Otis: Guys, please, Barn Buddy only has our best interests at heart. Look, it says so right on the box.
- Spike the dog: Maybe you should read the warning label.
- Otis: Nah, it's too tiny.
- Barn Buddy: Warning! Warning! Intruder alert!
- Otis: He's right. it's Mrs. Beady.
- Tigger: And she has a pizza.
- Barn Buddy: Relax. the barn buddy is on the job.
- Mrs. Beady: Here, talking animals and crazy kids. I've got a nice deep-dish pizza for you and a new camera to catch you on film and expose you as the talking freaks you are!
- Barn Buddy: Attention, old man. (Beady screams) You have been identified as an enemy intruder. Step away from the pizza.
- Mrs. Beady: Oh, who's saying that? What are you? Some sort of talking caribou or ground ostrich?
- Barn Buddy: Error! error! you are an idiot. (grabs her)
- Mrs. Beady: (screams) Help! I'm being barn-handled. (got the boot far away)
- Barn Buddy: Good day to you, sir.
- Otis: Guys is there anything you like to tell Barn Buddy?
(Everyone says a apology)
- Barn Buddy: Stop, please, you're embarrassing me. No, really, it was nothing.
(Later that day, Freddy is flossing his teeth)
- Barn Buddy: Alert! alert! Improper dental hygiene.
- Freddy: What? I always floss my teeth after lunch.
- Barn Buddy: Not like that, you don't. (puts giant teeth in Freddy's Mouth) Dental health secured.
- Freddy: (mumbles) Hey, thanks.
- Leni: (seeing Freddy she screams)
- Donald Duck: (Sees it a jumps in the ceiling)
(Later, Pig and Lincoln are about to eat some snacks)
- Pig: Aah, Flaky Tarts. Take me away.
- Lincoln: Nothing says snack time like Zombie Bran.
- Barn Buddy: Warning! Warning! Flaky Tarts and Zombie Bran are filled with artificial ingredients. Start running. (puts them on a treadmill)
- Pig: Why should we?
- Barn Buddy: Want a Flaky Tart?
- Pig: Ooh! Flaky Tart! Gimme! Gimme! (started running)
- Barn Buddy: There you go. Burn that bacon.
- Lincoln: Pig, slow down! Ow, Charley horse!
(Both crash into a wall and makes Pooh drops his honey)
- Winnie the Pooh: Oh bother.
(Abby, Peck, Timmy starts playing a game)
- Abby: I'm gonna blast you, peck.
- Peck: No way. I got extra power balls on the last level.
- Timmy Turner: Eat my Bonshi Bubble!
(Suddenly the TV turns off)
- Peck: What happened to the game?
- Barn Buddy: Violent video game deactivated. It's for your own good.
- Timmy Turner: What do you mean, for our own good?
- Barn Buddy: Those things will give you agita.
- Peck: What?
- Barn Buddy: Agita.
- Peck: What?
- Barn Buddy: Agita.
- Peck: What?
- Barn Buddy: Agita.
- Peck: Barn buddy!
- Abby: Why don't you mind your own beeswax?
- Timmy Turner: Yeah, beat it.
- Barn Buddy: (grabs them) Here, enjoy this soothing footage of adorable kittens.
- Peck: Oh, they are kind of adorable.
- Timmy Turner: And now I don't cared.
- Barn Buddy: Agita.
(Later that day)
- Abby: Otis, that Barn Buddy thing is out of control.
- Peck: Otis, you got to do something.
- Pig: I lost my adorable baby fat.
- Winnie the Pooh: I lost my honey.
- Human Fluttershy: He won't let me take care the other animals.
- Freddy: (frustrated mumbling)
- Lisa: (with a glass helmet over her head) And I do not appreciate being singled out to wear this saliva shield.
- Otis: Guys, please, any high-tech system is bound to have a few glitches. Where's the love?
- Barn Buddy: ALERT! ALERT! Intruder approaching.
- Otis: See? He's totally on the case.
(The Farmer comes in with buckets)
- Farmer: All righty, cows. It's milking time.
- Barn Buddy: (grabs The Farmer) Hey, fella, do people come in and grab your personal areas? Prepare for eviction.
- Farmer: B-b-but i-- (flung in the air into a pond) Hey, I landed in a pond. (laughs then attack by fish) MAD FISH!
- Rabbit: Now do you believe us?
- Otis: Barn buddy, what have you done?
- Barn Buddy: I protected you from that grubby little gnome.
- Otis: That was the farmer. You crossed the line. As your owner, order you to shut down immediately.
- Barn Buddy: You're just like all the others. You say you want security, but you can't handle it.
- Otis: All right, if you won't shut down, then I'm shutting you down. (gets shocked and faints)
- Barn Buddy: I'm afraid I can't let that happen. (locks the windows and doors) Okay, everyone, I've got good news, and I've got bad news.
- Pig: What's the bad news?
- Barn Buddy: I've decided to put you all in suspended animation so you'll no longer be a danger to yourselves.
- Human Rarity: What's the good news?
- Barn Buddy: I met a food processor online, and we're going out Saturday.
- Peck: What?
(Barn Buddy drops the temperature to the freezing cold)
- Sunset Shimmer: It's freezing.
- Lori: No singal, no landline, Bobby has no idea where I am. I feel so alone.
- Sci-Twi: And what does that make the rest of us?
- Lola: Bobby is the least of our problems. I'm so cold I can't feel my tooshie.
- Luan: Well I guess we can't just chill. (laughs)
- Mickey Mouse: This not the time for jokes.
- Rarity: Yeah, Luan, we're about to freeze do death.
- Piglet: Did you find anything yet Pip?
- Pip: Hey, guys, I can finally read the tiny print. Warning: Barn Buddy prone to evil, erratic behavior. Do not purchase or activate.
- Wanda: Must have been very tiny to notice.
- Otis: Why didn't you tell me to read the tiny print?
- Spike the Dog: We did tell you!
- Otis: Barn Buddy, how can you do this? You're supposed to protect the barnyard.
- Barn Buddy: Which I can't do if you shut me down. That's why I have to shut you down.
- Peck: Yeah, he makes a good point.
(Abby smacks Peck)
- Wanda: Not the time to let him know he's winning.
- Lucy: If we huddle together and conserve our dwindling body heat, we may be able to stave off hypothermia.
- Winnie the Pooh: She's right. Group Huddle!
(Everyone huddles together)
- Lucy: I forgot how much I hate huddling.
- Pig: Looks like there's only one thing left to do.
- Freddy: Decide which position we want to be frozen in to?
- Pig: Right, what do you think of this? (stands like a statue)
- Freddy: Nice.
- Peck: Works for me.
- Freddy: Oh-oh-oh. put your leg up a little more.
- Otis: Would you stop positioning yourselves? We have a situation here.
- Abby: Otis, Otis, it looks like this is the end.
- Otis: No, it isn't.
- Piglet: What do you mean?
- Otis: I think I can outsmart that computer with its own twisted logic. Barn Buddy, what is your prime function?
- Barn Buddy: To protect the barnyard, of course.
- Otis: And are we not of the barnyard? (whispering) Watch, he's gonna get all confused and stuff and start short-circuiting any second, 'cause I'm smart.
- Barn Buddy: Oh, I get it. You're trying to trick me into disconnecting myself. 've seen it done on tv many times. Well, it won't work.
- Human Fluttershy: I think he'd heard you.
- Otis: Okay, in that case, I know you are, but what am I?
- Barn Buddy: Uh, what?
- Otis: Uh-huh, I know you are, but what am i?
- Barn Buddy: You are an idiot. How should I know what you are? Specify!
- Otis: I am rubber, and you, sir, are glue.
- Barn Buddy: Illogical! illogical!
- Otis: Whatever you do bounces off me and sticks to you. Nyah-nyah-nyah! Execute your prime function!
- Barn Buddy: Error! illogical! Does not compute! oh!
- Otis: Oh, and one other thing. (started bashing Barn Buddy)
- Barn Buddy: System failure. Initiating self-destruct in 15 seconds.
- Otis: Guys, I did it.The computer's totally going to blow itself up.
- Barn Buddy: Agita.
- Eeyore: But, won't he blow us up with it?
- Otis: I know. isn't it great? We-- eep!
(Everyone began to panic and started ramming the door, literally)
- Goat: So what are you guys doing this weekend?
- Donald Duck: Ramming this goat's head isn't working.
- Luna: What do we do now?!?
- Goofy: Otis, the tractor!
- Barn Buddy: Going critical in five, four--
(Everyone breaks out of the barnyard with the tractor as it explodes and the goat flies in the air and face plants
- Goat: Ow, my face.
- Otis: Well, back to the old security system.
- Pip: Yes.
- Tigger: We showed that hunk of junk a thing or three.
- Abby: Thank goodness the threat of barn buddy is ended forever.
- Peck: Unless someone else purchased one at a rock-bottom price.
- Otis: Ah, what are the odds of that?
- Timmy Turner: Yeah. What idiot would by this piece of garbage?
(The next day at the Beady's)
- Mrs. Beady: Nathan, our new, reasonably priced, high-tech security system is here.
- Barn Buddy: Congratulations on your purchase of me. Let's get started, shall we?
(As the screen fades to black)
- Barn Buddy: Alert! You, the viewer, have been identified as an enemy intruder. You will be neutralized. Agita!