Here's how the story of the Dragon Emperor goes in Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.
Potty: Patchy, Patchy, the kids are here. [flushes the toilet]
Patchy: WAH!!! [opens the curtain in panic] Hot! Hot! Hot! Potty, don't you know this is Patchy private time?[looks at the camera] Oh, hello! Dahh! [covers himself with the curtain] What are you all doing here?
Potty: They're here to see Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Brawk!
Patchy: But I haven't got Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, because I... well, I lost it! [starts to cry]
Children: [off-screen] No, Patchy! Please! Don't say that, Patchy! Please!
Patchy: But it is! It's lost and I have no idea where it is, so it's best if you forget all about the Eds!
Voice: Remembering, the Eds.
[A music video plays with the Eds]
Patchy: I can't belive I lost "Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor". [screws in his peg leg] I never lose anything.
Potty: What about your leg?
Patchy: Well, yeah, but...
Potty: And your eye.
Patchy: Well, the eye, I...
Potty: And your hand.
Patchy: And the h... oh, get out of here you blasted bird! [shoos Potty away] Hmm... if only I had a map to tell me where "Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" is. [a screeching car sounds and a brick flies through the window and hits Potty; he mutters gibberish and then falls over]
Potty: What is it? Brawk!
Patchy: Hey... it's a map! It's a map to "Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor"!
Potty: It's a dream come true!
Patchy: [giggles] We gotta go find it, Potty! [shouts excitedly and runs over to the door; snaps] Oh, first I'll need me treasure hunting leg. [grabs a black boot out of a bin of umbrellas and screws it on his wooden leg while limping out the door; it now functions like a normal leg] Come on, Potty! Ah! Times a-wastin'! [runs down the steps, along with Potty]
Patchy: Take seven walks to Mrs. Dawson's house.
[an elderly woman sits on her porch, knitting] Ten paces past Mrs. Johnson's house. [walks past the woman's house]
Mrs. Johnson: Would you boys like some cookies?
Patchy: Put 'em in a doggie bag, Mrs. Johnson. Can't right now, we're on a treasure hunt. [continues walking]
Mrs. Johnson: Okay, don't catch a cold.
Patchy: Walk five fathoms past Don's Import Store and Delicatessen. [looks up at a store by that name; walks next to a tree] Half a league to the forked tree. [looks up at a tree with plastic forks growing on it] Oh! [stands somewhere else, looking at the map] Now all that's left is... Huh?! The seven trials of monkey lagoon?! [lowers the map and sees a playground full of children] Merciful Neptune. Only for the Eds. Only for the Eds!!![runs into the playground; rides back and forth on a small green horse] AHHHHH!!! Whoa!!! [goes up and down on a see-saw] Whoa!!! Whoa! [slides down a slide with his hands up] YAHHHHH!!! [hits the ground] Ow! [gets spun around on a merry-go-round] AHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! [slowly climbs on the monkey bars while a little kid punches him in the back] Ahh... Ahh... Ah! [inside a giant climbing thing while a group of kids laugh at him] AHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! [gets pushed on the swing by a little girl] AHHHHH!!! DAHHH!!! [the swing he was on returns with only a hook attached to it; the little girl stares at it, confused; cuts to Patchy digging in the sand] We made it! We survived the trials! Oh, I'm really gonna dig this movie! [laughs] Dig it, get it?[laughs some more]
Potty: [covered in sand] You stink!
Patchy: And I just got out of the shower. [laughs again; sticks his shovel in the ground and hits something] Hey Potty, I think I hit something. [camera zooms out; a large treasure chest sits in the sand] Clever... bury your treasure above the surface.
Patchy: [opens the chest; a golden glow shines from it] This is it! [a man in a construction hat sits in the chest, holding a tape; Patchy takes it; the man cups his hands] I don't know what it means either. [slams the top of the chest on the man] But I got what I came for! Come on Potty, time's a-wastin'. [runs off, jumping around and shouting excitedly again; runs into his house, still excited, and holds the tape up] Yeah!!! Popcorn. [slams a bag of popcorn down on the table] Soda. [puts a cup of soda on the table] Pickled garlic! [puts a jar of pickled garlic down on the table, next to the other things; runs and sits down] Potty, hit the remote!
Potty: [drops an egg that hits the remote] Brawk! [the VCR turns on]
Patchy: [grabs the popcorn] This is gonna be great! [a countdown, starting at ten, appears on the screen] I can't believe it. More Ed, Edd, n Eddy! [starts eating the popcorn; the countdown makes it's way down to five] This so exciting! [laughs, shaking the popcorn, which flies everywhere; the countdown ends] Here it comes!
Potty: Brawk! Pipe down!
[the movie begins]
[But it turns out to be a concessions ad, with a walking popcorn box, hot dog, popsicle, and soda]
- It's a groovy time for a movie time
- So grab your gal, and grab a seat
- But don't forget to get somethin' to eat
- Delicious meat, a nutritious meat
- You can't beat my meat for a special treat!
- Sucking on me is really neat!
- Don't be a jerk
- And don't be a fool
- Be a good neighbor and follow these rules
- What are these rules?
- Remember to keep your shoes on at all times
- Don't pull your [bleeps] out unless you really need to
- Indecent exposure is a Class 2 felony.
[Then a gumdrop walk up to the hot dog and headbutts him and starts screaming in the microphone]
- DON'T TALK, WATCH!
- DON'T TALK, WATCH!
- YOU CAME HERE, WATCH IT!
- DON'T LIKE IT? WALK OUT!
- WE STILL HAVE ALL YOUR [bleeps] MONEY!
- Do not nudge, kick, or jiggle the seat in front of you!
- I am sitting there, I am everywhere at once,
- and I will cut you up!
- Do not explain the plot!
- If you don't understand, then you should not be here!
- Your money is now our money, and we will...
- ...spend it on [bleeps]!
- Do not crinkle your food wrappers loudly!
- Be considerate to others, or I will [bleeps]!
- Did you bring your baby?
- Babies don't watch this!
- Take the seed outside,
- Leave it in the streets!
- Run over it after the show!
- If I see you videotaping this movie,
- This is a copyrighted movie for Stuingtion and Hiatt Grey Pictures
- If I find you've sold it on Ebay, I will break into your house and tear your wife in half!
[Soon they do a guitar solo and stop and explosions explode behind them]
["ends; a beeping noise comes from the TV; Patchy stares blankly for a moment]
Patchy: That's it? That's "Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor"? THAT WAS JUST A CHEAP CONCESSIONS AD!!!!
Potty: What a rip!
Patchy: Grrrrr... [his face turns red and smoke steams out of his ears] ED, EDD, N EDDY BETRAYED US!!!!!' [cries]Why did I love this stuff in the first place?! I'm gonna get rid of all my Ed, Edd, n Eddy stuff! All of it! All of it! [rips off his pants] All of it! [runs to the door] I'm gonna run away, that's what I'll do! Run away! [runs out the door crying]
Potty: Sheesh, what a hothead!
Announcer: [on TV, another countdown has started at twenty-three seconds with the words" Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor movie"] And now, for the real "Ed, Edd, n Eddy vs. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor"!
Potty: Patchy, come back! There's more!
Patchy: Really? [he reverses] Hooray! Let's watch.
[The movie begins with the Universal logo]